There have been a couple articles published lately venturing what the Twilight Saga’s plot and characters would have been like if Twilight hadn’t been written by Stephenie Meyer.
Which, I think, supports just how remarkable Stephenie Meyer is as an author.
Some were unfunny, some are about obscure authors, and others are just excuses for hating. But they engendered some clever comments along the way.
But here’s the best of the best, culled from the articles and comments:
Herman Melville
“Call me Bella.” A tome about the length of the original series investigates Bella’s monomanical search for the vampire who stole her virginity. There’s an entire chapter devoted to describing the devastating whiteness of Edward’s skin, and several on the physiognomy of vampires, starting with their skeletal structure outward.
Virginia Woolf
The novel takes place over the course of twenty four hours, during which Bella is painting a portrait of Edward and reflecting on how her femininity circumscribes her role within 20th century society.
Jane Austen
Basically the same as the original, except that Bella is socially apt and incredibly witty. Her distrust of Edward is initially bourne out of a tragic misunderstanding of his character, but after a fling with Jacob during which he sexually assaults her (amusing to no one in this version) she and Edward live happily ever after.
Judy Blume
Bella and her best friend Jacob love to go to the movies and just hang out in the Washington state fog, but lately Bella’s been spending all her time with her boyfriend Edward. Will Bella learn to balance her relationship with her friendship, and remember to always wear protection?
Suzanne Collins
When Bella’s father is killed in a police shoot out, Bella has to drop out of high school and take a minimum wage job so she’ll be able to feed herself. When the opportunity to compete on a reality show for the chance to win a million dollars comes up she knows she has to take it; but when she gets there she realizes when the players are eliminated they’re executed so they won’t reveal the show’s secrets. Bella knows she can win if she aligns her self with Edward, who seems to know what the other contestants will do before they do it, but will the alliance distance her from her woodsy BFF Jacob back home?
Lemony Snicket
Bella comes to live with her father when her mother is killed in a freak accident, but as soon as she gets comfortable with her dad he dies in a similar freak accident. Luckily the kindly Cullens love to take in older teen orphans, and they have plenty of room in their mansion. Bella thinks it’s going to be great, but the Cullens are hiding a more sinister agenda…
OMG the list is long but very funny, my favorite is
Bram Stoker
…Edward would have sucked Bella dry of every last drop of blood, viciously killing her. He would have promptly burnt to death in the light from the following dawn.
To read the rest head over to twilightnewssite
Via Twilightish
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