zooeymagazine I must tell you I really love your blog. It’s insightful, thought provoking, and nostalgic.
[smiles] Did you read my last post?
Where you sang with that band of kids outside the bookstore?Yeah!
Wasn’t that cute how Paul pulled me up there? He’s so good about taking
time to notice what others would just disregard. Singing with them
reminded me of growing up on the promenade in Santa Monica watching kids
perform.
What was it like growing up in Los Angeles?Well,
it’s all I knew. I had very encouraging parents that let my older
brother and I explore who we were. It was never about, “No you can’t do
that” or “You’re too this and not enough that.” When I was 11, my friend
Brenda was over spending the night and we painted my entire room
purple. My Mom came in the next morning and said, “Looks cool.” She was
very easy going in letting us do our thing. My Dad was great too…when I
was 6 he took me on a donkey ride through the Grand Canyon.
This is polar opposite from the family you portrayed in Thirteen.I
have tons of regrets with that. Thirteen was really hard on my family. I
wrote this movie about them and their flaws and imperfections and what
it was like growing up. It was from one kid’s perspective and not a well
rounded one. You get older and it’s like, how dare I portray my father
as being a totally vacant careless schmuck? As a kid I sometimes saw my
Dad like that, but now that I’m older I wonder how I could have done
that to him and be swept up on this promo tour sitting in these
interviews not realizing how hurtful it was when I said, “This is
autobiographical.” No! Parts were autobiographical, but everything was
exaggerated. That’s not my Dad. My Dad is a man that for as long as I
can remember has kept a book of favorite things his kids say. The other
night we were all around the dinner table and my brother was in this
really bad mood. He looked up and said, “Dad! I just feel like you’re
being really violent with your utensils.” Dad said, “Well, that’s going
in the book.”
You
have a blog post where you talk about walking around Chicago
hand-in-hand with your Dad as he shared the architectural facts of each
building. Seems like you’re incredibly close now.We weren’t
close growing up and I guess it was both of our faults. He was waiting
for me to come around and I was bitter about him divorcing Mom. As a
kid, you don’t have the mental capacity to understand why adults make
the decisions they make and sometimes you hang on to that. I was
shooting a movie in Sacramento and I called my Dad and said, “We need to
have a real talk.” We went to Islands and I told him all these things
that he had no idea I wanted. I said, “I want you to call me everyday
and maybe five times a day and even if I say I’m fine I want you to say
you don’t sound fine. I need you to dig deeper and tell me you love me
every time you hang up the phone.” There were all these things he didn’t
understand about me. Things I wanted and needed and the amazing thing
is there weren’t any questions asked on any demand. It was just, “Okay.”
From that day on my Dad did what I needed and he wasn’t awkward about
it. He just got up the next morning and called me. I had been so hard on
him and he’s just a person who didn’t know what I wanted.
You
being so upfront is really inspiring. Fears of not being worthy of such
attention or not getting the desired reaction often keep people like me
from expressing their needs. Then resentment develops because needs
were never clearly communicated.Exactly. After my conversation
with my Dad, I started to make…not perfect choices in men, but better.
The bar was raised. Girls need their Dads. It gives them a sense of
validation. I had a really horrible break-up a few years ago and I moved
in with him afterward. I was already way past the age when you’re
supposed to be living with your parents, but I told him, “I have enough
money to live by myself, but I would like to live with you for a little
while. It would make me feel more complete coming home and making dinner
together instead of being alone in my apartment and eventually rushing
to fill a void.” My Dad is my best friend now.
Did Paul get your Dad’s approval right away?Actually
my Dad was my date to the premiere where I met Paul. I got stuck in
L.A. because my flight to Vancouver was cancelled, so Catherine
Hardwicke [director of “Thirteen“] invited me to the premiere of “Red
Riding Hood.” It was 4pm, I had to find a dress, I was tired, hadn’t
washed my hair and had to be there at 6. I wanted to support her so I
went with unwashed hair. [laughs] All the guys ended up being there from
“American Idol” and my Dad said, “Go say hi to that guy.” I walked over
to Paul and knew I was in love within one second of saying hi. It was
the craziest thing that has ever happened to me in my life.
What made him different from other guys?He’s
the kind of person I didn’t have to sell to anyone. You know when
you’re dating a guy that kind of sucks and you have to be like, “He’s
got a great job, he was such a precocious kid or you should really see
the artwork in his house.” You’re always trying to come up with these
weird things to make him seem better than he is. With Paul, I just said,
“You’re going to love him.” That’s all I have to say because it’s true.
I love being married to him because the person you’re married to
represents you and he’s so well loved. I also think we have this awesome
way of balancing each other out. He would be fine living in a pop-up
tent and eating ramen every day and I tend to be very ambitious. Once I
met him I thought, “How about we live in a pop-up tent and eat ramen on
the weekends and then we could be productive during the week?”
Will you spend Christmas in a pop-up tent?[laughs]
No, we’ll be with family. Decorating the tree and buying ornaments is
huge in Paul’s family, so we’ll have a tree decorating party. My Mom is
super crafty so last year she made ornaments out of pipe cleaners and
wood and she glued things here and there.
Does she make your gifts too?Sometimes.
Growing up we didn’t have a lot of money, so everything (even socks)
were wrapped separately so we felt like we had a lot of stuff under the
tree. It’s still like that with my family at Christmas. I’ve never
opened anything crazy expensive. For me it’s just about being with
family and appreciating who they are.
Via Gossip_Dance
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