I started writing Confessions of a Male Twi-Hard in August 2010. "Really?" you say. "It seems like we've been putting up with you much longer than that."
I know. I'm already like an old, annoying college buddy (which is what I literally am to my editor Kevin). Anyway, 2011 is the first full calendar year that I've been covering "Twilight" regularly. While I haven't eaten chicken wings with Peter Facinelli, chest-bumped Kellen Lutz, touched Robert Pattinson's hair or accomplished anything on my Twi-Hard bucket list, it's still been a "Twilight" rollercoaster of good times these last 12 months. Now that 2011 is coming to a close, it only seems appropriate that I look back and pick my favorite Twi-hard moments of the year.
10. Beavis and Butt-Head Return as Twi-Hards, Kinda
My younger fandom of "Beavis and Butt-Head" rivals my current "Twilight" preoccupation. So, I was extremely excited for the show's return to MTV with new episodes. And what subject does creator Mike Judge tackle with his first new episode in nearly 14 years? "Twilight." My younger self just totally high-fived me. Sure, Beavis and Butt-Head think it "sucks," but they think everything sucks. Their attempts at becoming werewolves to meet hot chicks is something I've pondered many times.
9. 'Abduction'
I'm going to admit something now that I didn't admit in my column about "Abduction." It's a really bad movie, laughably bad, and Taylor Lautner's performance may be the worst of any lead actor in a major motion picture this year. So, why I am including this in my list? As stupid as "Abduction" is, and despite its 4% rating on Rotten Tomatoes' Tomatometer, I can't stop thinking about it, and I honestly can't wait to see it on DVD. It sounds cliché, but it's so bad it's good. Just like George Clooney's performance in "Return of the Killer Tomatoes!" It has definite cult appeal.
8. Creating a 'Twilight' Valentine's Day
Like many men, I'm a Valentine's Day hater, and that's why I wasn't excited when my editor suggested I write a column on how to create a "Twilight" Valentine's Day. However, it ended up being one of the most fun "Confessions" columns to write, and I believe it was the first one that the official "Twilight" Facebook page reposted. Now, I'm actually looking forward to this Valentine's Day. My girlfriend still won't agree to jumping into a bathtub of ice before sleeping with me, so that I'll know what it's like to make sweet vampire love ... but I'm still hopeful.
7. 'Twilight' at Comic-Con
I didn't go to Comic-Con, and honestly, it's still kind of painful for me to talk about missing it. However, I still need to include it on my list because it was a big deal for Twi-hards this year. I'm not going to pick my wound deeper. If you want to read about it, I already wrote a whole column on it.
6. Best Kiss at the MTV Movie Awards
"Eclipse" scored eight MTV Movie Award nominations and took home five of them. Film snobs can underplay the award all they want, but have to admit that's an impressive score card for any awards show. Yet Robert Pattinson's impromptu celebration of running into the audience -- leaving Best Kiss cowinner Kristen Stewart awkwardly alone onstage -- to make out with Taylor Lautner "eclipsed" everything else that night. Best. Best Kiss. Ever.
5. My Anna Kendrick Krush
I wanted to include Anna Kendrick's performance in LCD Soundsystem's music video "Pow Pow" on my list, but that came out in late 2010. Then I realized, it's not the music video I wanted to celebrate, it's Anna Kendrick and her general awesomeness this year. She didn't do anything in particular that made me like her more, but 2011 will stand as the year my Kendrick krush began. Look for a Team AK-47 rallying cry in an upcoming column.
4. Learning 50 Cent and Aziz Ansari Are Twi-Hards
I'm not saying that 50 Cent and Aziz Ansari are my favorite celebrities in the world, but they definitely reached new heights on the Male Twi-hard heat index when I learned they like "Twilight." Let's be honest. It gets lonely as a straight man in his early 30s who loves something that is predominately loved by tween girls and housewives. It's nice to know a like-minded male Twi-hard posse is growing.
3. Bringing a Shake Weight to a Cosplay Fight
The good folks at NextMovie were nice enough to send me to Los Angeles this year to attend the Twilight Convention. I knew I had to give them their money's worth, so I entered the costume contest as Wolf Pack Member No One Calls. See my column for why I brought a Shake Weight. This move has gained me the most notoriety around the offices of NextMovie and its parent MTV. But, I'm not sure that's a good thing …
2. Sex Scene in 'Breaking Dawn'
Whatever, call me a pervert, but you know you were pissed off when you finally got to a sex scene in "Breaking Dawn" and Stephenie Meyer glossed right over it. Director Bill Condon must have felt the same way, because there's a great sex scene in the movie ... followed by 60 minutes of the most painful on-screen pregnancy in history, but still.
1. Meeting Other 'Twilight' Bloggers
The entire Twilight Convention is my biggest "Twilight" highlight of the year, but meeting other bloggers and realizing they're also not the geeky shut-ins that people think we all are is my most comforting moment of the year. Thanks to Letters to Twilight and Elle of Twilightish for supporting me in the costume contest. Also, Laura Byrne-Cristiano of Twilight Lexicon for posting the video. Big props to Kandi Prickett of Salt Lake City Twilight Fans for taking photos, as well as discussing Major League Soccer with me and for having the coolest tattoo I've seen all year: Pug Jack Sparrow.
Confessions of a (Male) Twi-Hard is a “Twilight” humor column by Ryan McKee that publishes every other week on NextMovie. Read Ryan’s introductory post here and follow him on Twitter.
I know. I'm already like an old, annoying college buddy (which is what I literally am to my editor Kevin). Anyway, 2011 is the first full calendar year that I've been covering "Twilight" regularly. While I haven't eaten chicken wings with Peter Facinelli, chest-bumped Kellen Lutz, touched Robert Pattinson's hair or accomplished anything on my Twi-Hard bucket list, it's still been a "Twilight" rollercoaster of good times these last 12 months. Now that 2011 is coming to a close, it only seems appropriate that I look back and pick my favorite Twi-hard moments of the year.
10. Beavis and Butt-Head Return as Twi-Hards, Kinda
My younger fandom of "Beavis and Butt-Head" rivals my current "Twilight" preoccupation. So, I was extremely excited for the show's return to MTV with new episodes. And what subject does creator Mike Judge tackle with his first new episode in nearly 14 years? "Twilight." My younger self just totally high-fived me. Sure, Beavis and Butt-Head think it "sucks," but they think everything sucks. Their attempts at becoming werewolves to meet hot chicks is something I've pondered many times.
9. 'Abduction'
I'm going to admit something now that I didn't admit in my column about "Abduction." It's a really bad movie, laughably bad, and Taylor Lautner's performance may be the worst of any lead actor in a major motion picture this year. So, why I am including this in my list? As stupid as "Abduction" is, and despite its 4% rating on Rotten Tomatoes' Tomatometer, I can't stop thinking about it, and I honestly can't wait to see it on DVD. It sounds cliché, but it's so bad it's good. Just like George Clooney's performance in "Return of the Killer Tomatoes!" It has definite cult appeal.
8. Creating a 'Twilight' Valentine's Day
Like many men, I'm a Valentine's Day hater, and that's why I wasn't excited when my editor suggested I write a column on how to create a "Twilight" Valentine's Day. However, it ended up being one of the most fun "Confessions" columns to write, and I believe it was the first one that the official "Twilight" Facebook page reposted. Now, I'm actually looking forward to this Valentine's Day. My girlfriend still won't agree to jumping into a bathtub of ice before sleeping with me, so that I'll know what it's like to make sweet vampire love ... but I'm still hopeful.
7. 'Twilight' at Comic-Con
I didn't go to Comic-Con, and honestly, it's still kind of painful for me to talk about missing it. However, I still need to include it on my list because it was a big deal for Twi-hards this year. I'm not going to pick my wound deeper. If you want to read about it, I already wrote a whole column on it.
6. Best Kiss at the MTV Movie Awards
"Eclipse" scored eight MTV Movie Award nominations and took home five of them. Film snobs can underplay the award all they want, but have to admit that's an impressive score card for any awards show. Yet Robert Pattinson's impromptu celebration of running into the audience -- leaving Best Kiss cowinner Kristen Stewart awkwardly alone onstage -- to make out with Taylor Lautner "eclipsed" everything else that night. Best. Best Kiss. Ever.
5. My Anna Kendrick Krush
I wanted to include Anna Kendrick's performance in LCD Soundsystem's music video "Pow Pow" on my list, but that came out in late 2010. Then I realized, it's not the music video I wanted to celebrate, it's Anna Kendrick and her general awesomeness this year. She didn't do anything in particular that made me like her more, but 2011 will stand as the year my Kendrick krush began. Look for a Team AK-47 rallying cry in an upcoming column.
4. Learning 50 Cent and Aziz Ansari Are Twi-Hards
I'm not saying that 50 Cent and Aziz Ansari are my favorite celebrities in the world, but they definitely reached new heights on the Male Twi-hard heat index when I learned they like "Twilight." Let's be honest. It gets lonely as a straight man in his early 30s who loves something that is predominately loved by tween girls and housewives. It's nice to know a like-minded male Twi-hard posse is growing.
3. Bringing a Shake Weight to a Cosplay Fight
The good folks at NextMovie were nice enough to send me to Los Angeles this year to attend the Twilight Convention. I knew I had to give them their money's worth, so I entered the costume contest as Wolf Pack Member No One Calls. See my column for why I brought a Shake Weight. This move has gained me the most notoriety around the offices of NextMovie and its parent MTV. But, I'm not sure that's a good thing …
2. Sex Scene in 'Breaking Dawn'
Whatever, call me a pervert, but you know you were pissed off when you finally got to a sex scene in "Breaking Dawn" and Stephenie Meyer glossed right over it. Director Bill Condon must have felt the same way, because there's a great sex scene in the movie ... followed by 60 minutes of the most painful on-screen pregnancy in history, but still.
1. Meeting Other 'Twilight' Bloggers
The entire Twilight Convention is my biggest "Twilight" highlight of the year, but meeting other bloggers and realizing they're also not the geeky shut-ins that people think we all are is my most comforting moment of the year. Thanks to Letters to Twilight and Elle of Twilightish for supporting me in the costume contest. Also, Laura Byrne-Cristiano of Twilight Lexicon for posting the video. Big props to Kandi Prickett of Salt Lake City Twilight Fans for taking photos, as well as discussing Major League Soccer with me and for having the coolest tattoo I've seen all year: Pug Jack Sparrow.
Confessions of a (Male) Twi-Hard is a “Twilight” humor column by Ryan McKee that publishes every other week on NextMovie. Read Ryan’s introductory post here and follow him on Twitter.
Via Gossip_Dance, NextMovie
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