So, craziness for you, Buzznet! I’m in London the other day at Madame Tussaud’s, minding my own business, when who do I happen to come across?
Yep, that’s right! Robert Pattinson!
so, I figured, hey, he’s here, I’m here, I’m a journalist of sorts. Why the hell not? I approached him and asked, very politely, “Excuse me, Mr. Pattinson? Would you mind answering a few questions for some of your fans from Buzznet.com?”
“Um…I guess I’ll take that strange silence as a yes. So, Robert, it’s unusual to see you out and about like this. Figured you’d be holed up somewhere preparing for the inevitable media onslaught when Eclipse releases.”
“Okay, RPatz…can I call you Rpatz? Look, um, I know you’re really trying hard to convince people that you’re not Edward Cullen. You’ve mentioned before you have trouble getting dates because girls don’t want you, they want Edward. Which is extremely unsettling considering he’s a terrible boyfriend. But here’s a tip. If you don’t want to be called ‘Edward,’ you might wanna stop that creepy staring-straight-at-me thing you’re doing. ’Cause that’s straight out of his playbook.”
See, that’s not much better. And you’re still not saying anything to me.”
Finally, I could take no more. I screamed “DAMMIT, ROBERT PATTINSON, WHO PLAYS GLITTER COVERED VAMPIRE EDWARD CULLEN IN TWILIGHT, ANSWER MY QUESTIONS!”
This was a foolish move. Because yelling those words loud enough for another human being to hear resulted in this:
Seriously, out of NOWHERE these girls appear and attack Robert with their love, many of them calling him Edward and asking if he sparkles.
“Robert,” I asked. ”Are you okay with this?”
“No, seriously, you’re just going to stand there completely still while a bunch of women feel you up? What the hell?”
“And what do they see in you, anyway? You look like you haven’t bathed in days! I’m sure you don’t smell good and I’m betting you taste even WORSE!”
Just my luck that one of the girls helpfully volunteered to test this theory.
“So…um…what does he taste like?” I asked her
“…a surf board.”
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